Yuppies and hipsters rejoice at rumors of Apple car

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According to the rumor mill, there's going to be an Apple car.

According to the rumor mill, there’s going to be an Apple car.

The next step for technology giant Apple is apparently into the transportation game as an Apple car is reportedly in the works. If it does come to pass, rest assured that you will hate the people who drive them.

Apple car only a rumor for now

Apple fans are thankfully getting less noisy these days as the word has gotten out of tablets and phones that are just as good and not nearly as overpriced, but this Apple car thing is going to make that crowd even more insufferable than they already are. It’s also only a rumor at this point.

Recently, the business press (or NAMBLA) began circulating rumors of an Apple car, given that the tech firm that produces oh so many toys for yuppies and hipsters pretending not to be yuppies has recently hired a number of people that used to be involved in the car industry, such as this piece in USA Today or this one in Bloomberg. There’s also supposed to be hundreds of employees working on a top secret project at Apple, called “Titan.”

From there, a whole bunch of people have leapt to the conclusion that Apple is looking at either an autonomous car, a la Google, an electric car, a la Tesla, or both.

Perhaps they are

Maybe the rumors are true and there is an Apple car in the works. From a certain perspective, it makes sense and actually fits a theme; Apple, unlike it’s former main rival Microsoft, doesn’t just make software for others to install, they produce and sell the whole package from the ground up.

Granted, they basically use the same components as everyone else – and yes, that includes their smartphones and tablets – but everything is in-house to some degree. Apple already has interfacing between their tablets and phones with cars. The next logical step is to make an infotainment and/operating system for one – because cars are mostly run by computers and these are the guys who more or less INVENTED the personal computer.

Why not follow up with the car itself? It makes a certain amount of sense. Making an electric car is actually easier than making one with an engined due to simpler components.

Could actually be a bad idea

Yet an Apple car also doesn’t make any sense at all. Put it this way: Tesla may be a total press darling, but goes through oceans of money with only 30,000 cars a year sold to show for it. Likewise, another niche brand, Mini, sells 10 times that amount, and this is after a decade of development that led up to the Tesla Model S. Furthermore, look at all the issues other alternative drivetrain vehicles have had. Fisker, anyone?

It should be mentioned at this point that electric cars may be simpler mechanically (by leaps, bounds, and by margins wider than the Marianas Trench is deep) than internal combustion cars, but that’s how difficult it is to get one to market. A new vehicle can take a decade to design starting from scratch. Engineers at Chevrolet are, I guarantee you, already getting plans together for the ninth generation Corvette, and the C7 just hit dealerships last year.

Then again, who knows? It’s just a rumor.


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