Easy steps to ensure vehicular damage
Meh. Ignore it. Image: Robert Couse-Baker/Flickr/CC BY
Keeping your vehicle in mint shape is a great thing when it comes time for resale, and it lets you continue driving it much longer. But who has the time for such things? And anyway, it’s boring. Besides, a little vehicular damage adds character, right?
Vehicular damage is always a factor
Cars are huge, heavy and complex. The chance of damage is always a factor as we pilot the massive beasts on crowded streets. But why leave things to chance? Here are some things you can do (or neglect to do, as it were) that will ensure your ride becomes gradually worse for the wear over time.
Vehicular damage through neglect
Ignoring regular maintenance is the number one tactic for slow-but-steady vehicular damage. So, be sure to put off any regularly scheduled maintenance. If the check engine light is on, put duct tape over it and let it burn. Don’t check your oil, or other fluids, ever. The same goes with filters and hoses. Tire pressure — what is that? And if your car overheats regularly, just keep pouring coolant into the system and continue driving.
By neglecting these things, you will put yourself on a sure path to early vehicular death and loss of resale or auto refinance value. But the damage will only be on the inside where it doesn’t show.
To slowly chip away at the vehicle’s body and looks, here are some more helpful tricks.
Wash and wear
Always wash your car in the bright sun, if you can. That may have to wait until spring, but it ensures ugly streak-marks. When you do wash it, use dish washing detergent, because it will strip any protective surface already on your car’s paint job and speed up the wear. Always use burlap or some other similarly-abrasive fabric to wash the vehicle. Never, ever use 100 percent cotton fabrics or towels.
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Between washes
Always park in the sun, too, when you can, and pick places with the greatest exposure to traffic. That greatly increases the chance of fender benders while you are away. If there is gravel available, park there for the hope of getting pits and glass chips from spraying pebbles.
Our final tips relate to how your drive. Swing wide in turns, tailgate and regularly cut off other drivers. Be spongy about the lines on the road. Cross and straddle them often. By applying these and other sloppy driving techniques, you can significantly increase your chance of an accident, creating damage and maybe even injuries.